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Exophile

This is a sample chapter from Supervert's book Extraterrestrial Sex Fetish. The book consists of sets of interleaved texts that also progress through four different sequences: Alien Sex Scenes (ASS), Methods of Deterrestrialization (MOD), Lessons in Exophilosophy (LIE), and Digressions and Tangents (DAT).

INDEX MOD 01 Alpha
ABSTRACT Exophile

The way the abduction myth has it, hicks driving their cars along lonely roads surrounded by cornfields suddenly experience vehicular weirdness and temporal distortion. Extraterrestrials swoop down on them like hawks on mice, taking them aboard their flying saucers for invasive medical examinations. Proctologists from Polaris probe the rectum with metal instruments not designed for human bodies, gynecologists from the Crab nebula insert speculums intended for crab vaginas, thus causing unspeakable damage to earthly orifices — bizarrely, unspeakable damage that disappears the next day, except for the psychic wounds, horrible traumas that appear under hypnosis, "And then the gray felt my cervix with his claw, it was terrible..." That's the myth, a nice myth, a myth that Mercury de Sade likes to fantasize about, though he's not sure which role to assume. On one hand, he prefers the active, sadistic role of the alien probing the human body with gynecological instruments from Mars. On the other hand, Mercury de Sade is not really interested in the human body. What he wants is something new. To obtain this he plainly has either to redesign the human body — which is not so easy to do, given that it would take thousands of years of evolution to outfit the old bag of meat with a really new orifice — or to find new bodies, alien anatomies, extraterrestrial sex organs.

And this isn't so easy either. Practical restrictions on space travel make it impossible for the fetishist to travel to other worlds. And though rumor has it that aliens do come to earth, their visits are, to say the very least, unpredictable. What is the exophile to do — put out a little sign, "Aliens welcome?" You almost can't blame Mercury de Sade for his compensatory strategies, which consist largely of trying to jam humans into alien molds. Ninfa XVIII, for example, he compels to don a white body stocking, which he then soaks in a green fluid, Lime Gatorade. The idea is to make her resemble a Little Green Man — except that she's not really green, nor is she a man, except in the broad sense that she's human, which, from the vantage point of Mercury de Sade, is precisely the trouble with her. She is little, anyway: a fifteen-year-old girl picked up in the public atrium of the Citicorp Building, where a lot of high school kids hang out after class. He brings her back to Casa de Sade, gets her stoned, ties her up, prepares to have his way with her — but Lord, that smell. You ever fuck a giant lime? It's hard to convince yourself that the object — and she is an object — of your affections hails from outer space when she smells like an advertisement for citrus fruit. It takes a lot of concentration to put Anita Bryant out of your head and concentrate on the girl to hand. The ironic part is that Anita Bryant was a great opponent of the homosexual lifestyle, and yet Mercury de Sade avails himself of Ninfa XVIII as though she really were a Little Green Man — which is to say that he fucks her the way one man fucks another. It may not be a new orifice but, from the girl's vantage point, it certainly is a new sexual organ.

Perhaps, then, it really is possible to redesign the human body without evolution — or at least to reassign the functions normally allocated to its various parts. The ass can make a nice cunt, at least for the active partner. The cunt, liberated from its duties, can be used by the passive partner for something else — a purse, makeup kit, or trash can. If the passive partner is a man, his ass can still be a cunt, and his penis can be used as a pen protector, eyedropper, or, with a little creativity, tire-pressure gauge. (Testicles could swell to indicate air pressure.) It is not only "nether parts," however, that can be repurposed. The face can easily be made into a sexual organ. Oral sex, for example, is so common that you forget what a perversion of purpose it really is — after all, putting a penis in the mouth is as weird as inserting food in a vagina. Swallowing semen is as much a short circuit of anatomic function as fertilizing an egg with a potato chip. For the exophile, though, such perversions do not go far enough. Even if it becomes a cunt, the mouth remains an earthly orifice. For this reason, Mercury de Sade tends to finish every encounter with a cum shot. Why? Because to bury something inside a human body is an admission of defeat. Unless aliens descend from the sky, kill the passive partner, and extract the semen from her body during an autopsy, there is no way sperm in a human body will ever achieve contact with extraterrestrials. But to ejaculate on the surface of a body — that holds out hope of contact. It's like putting cookies out on a plate for Santa Claus.

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